From: An Overweight Person. To: An Overweight Person.

by S.Park

 

It’s every woman’s nightmare. It’s an obsession that won’t go away. What am I speaking of? Well, I’m talking about weight, of course. In today’s society, being overweight has got to be the worst thing ever. Society’s definition of beauty is totally different from, let’s say, the 19th Century when being overweight was a sign of wealth and prosperity. Overweight women didn’t have a problem gettin’ a man unlike now a days. This isn’t an entry complaining about how unfair the world is because, trust me, I’ve been using that excuse for 12 years already. I just wanted to share with you my journey as a woman that is insecure about her weight but at the end of the day, is striving to do what she can about it.

Life’s tough for an overweight person. I learned that at an early age. When I was a baby, my parents worried because they said I didn’t eat enough. The only thing that I would eat was my mom’s chicken soup (totes deelish, by the way). After I went to Korea in Kindergarten and came back, my family complimented me on my newly acquired fat. I lived in a carefree manner and discovered my love for food. Fourth grade is when my parents began to worry. It didn’t help that at that age, I discovered that chips cost 25 cents a bag. They constantly told me to eat less (but giving me HUGE portions of food..I mean, really?) and seemingly every week, my mom would find a new diet that would help me lose weight. I hated every single diet that she put me on. The one that I remember very clearly was this DISGUSSSSTING banana shake diet. UGH I MEAN THE HORROR. I cried every time she forced that crap down my throat. And guess what? I DIDN’T LOSE ANY WEIGHT. Sigh, Korean moms will believe anything that Korean infomercials say.

After I graduated the sixth grade, it got progressively worse. Those were the worst years of my life. No joke. Do you know why those were the worst years of my life? Let me give you a math equation to sum it up for you:

Junior High School + Puberty + Boys = Raging hormones

Seventh grade was a whole new ball game. You find out that the opposite sex is not as disgusting as you once thought and you start to fit into that…that mold. You know. You want to become more feminine. You want the boys to notice you. You learn how to flirt. All that sort of crap. It was horrible. I was the least feminine out of all my friends and it didn’t help that I only seemed to be friends with girls that boys wanted. Boys would make fun of me all the time. I remember one guy screamed “EARTHQUAAAAAKE” as I ran by. It didn’t help that my dad was simultaneously giving me emotional trauma that will take me a while to forget. So it’s only normal for me to become a very sensitive girl when I entered 7th grade. I felt unwanted at home, I felt unwanted by boys, and I thought God was the same. To hide my hurt from feeling so unwanted, I decided to become mean and aggressive. No asswipe, whether girl or guy, was going to call me fat and get away from it. I began rebelling against my parents and technically became some sort of a bully. I mean, I didn’t terrorize the school but I sure did make the lives of some absolutely miserable. However, even with that shield, it didn’t help. Hurt still came my way through many forms.

I went through the same things in high school (minus the bullying) but it was emotionally and mentally different from junior high school. Because of the two hellish years of junior high school, I was worn out and started to started to accept what everyone was telling me as the truth. I became overly insecure, sensitive, and disgusted of myself.
(But you know what? When I look at my pictures from high school now, I get pissed off. Douchebags made me feel like I was freaking obese. Yes, I was on the chubby side, but really? You people must have been outta yo’ damn minds. Ugh. UGH! Stupid idiots.)

Losing weight is so hard. It’s so so hard. I’m 21 years old and I’m still struggling with what I was struggling with when I was in the fourth grade. But this year, I had an epiphany. Instead of complaining about it all the time and victimizing myself, I actually want to do something about it. I’m going to the gym and I’m trying not to eat out as much. I quit trying to comfort myself with food and telling myself that the inside is all that matters because as much as the personality is important, being healthy is important as well. Living LIFE is important. This is the prime of my life. I can’t be overweight almost all of my prime years. I need to live a healthy life.

Yesterday, I heard an overweight acquaintance of mine ask my friend about me and my weight issues. She asked her, “Doesn’t Sunnie worry about her weight? Isn’t she insecure? Doesn’t she want a boyfriend? Doesn’t she get lonely? Where does she get all that confidence from?”

First of all, that is the worst thing an overweight person can say to another overweight person. Don’t put me down because you want to feel better about yourself. Second of all, I want to tell her yes, I do get lonely. Who the hell doesn’t? Yes, I am still insecure. Who the hell isn’t? Yes, I do want a boyfriend. Who the hell…I mean, come on! That should be so obvious.
But my motivation isn’t men. After all these years, I realized that that is THE WORST motivation to have. You know, one of those “I’m gonna lose weight, show myself off to all those idiots that hurt and rejected me, and I’m gonna laugh in their faces” revenge scenarios. Or the “when I finally lose weight, I’ll get a man” scenarios. My motivation is to live for the glory of God and to do that, there are certain things that I need to do and that’s to get healthy. I don’t want diabetes or a stroke preventing me from doing what He wants me to do. I don’t want to have trouble breathing when I’m climbing a mountain to get to people in a mission field because I’m overweight. Thirdly, I want to tell her this: I don’t know where the hell I get my confidence from. Honestly, I don’t even think I have confidence. But I think that other than my appearance, I have other good qualities about myself. Not to gas myself up but I can be funny, I can be nice, and I don’t think I’m all that bad. Appearance isn’t everything. It’s a mistake if you think it is. You think if you lose weight, you can get a man? I don’t think so. You’ll probably have to deal with a lot of other insecurities that spring up after you lose the weight. Losing weight for any man is a big mistake. Get it straight.

You’re hurt. I get it. So am I. But isn’t it about time that you did something about it?
Stop complaining and just do it. Stop victimizing yourself. Stop putting other people down to make yourself better.

Do something about it. Get healthy.